Some important policy information:

We expect folks to be germane and conscientious in their contributions to SOTTS. We ask you to keep messages to the list limited to topics related to the purpose of the list. Messages consisting primarily of personal attacks, which promote a cliquish atmosphere, or which have little or no relevance to the group or ongoing discussion(s) are not appropriate. ASCII art and long signature files are also discouraged.

From time to time, just as in any group, we have heated discussions where not everyone on the list agrees with each other. While I will not interfere with such disagreements, and may even add my opinion to the debate from my personal email, flaming is strongly discouraged on the list. When I use the term "flaming", I am referring to name calling, personal attacks, etc. – any statements that "attack" a list member(s) and not the topic. If a debate/disagreement progresses to a flame war, or flaming becomes involved, I will step in and ask the entire list to cool it and post this portion of the guidelines again.

When responding to a post using the reply button, please make sure your post is related to topic in the subject line. If it isn't, change the subject title by clicking in the subject box. Also, please use the delete key generously when using the "reply" button. Only include the part of the original post that is relevant to your post not the entire previous post. If you are using the "cut and paste" method, only copy the portion of the email you are responding to. Occasionally, members will make this request on the list if we have an excessive amount of unedited replies and I will also address the issue on the list if it becomes burdensome.

As you know, there aren't many places we can go to talk about the issues of being lesbigay in (or leaving) a mixed orientation marriage. Therefore, we strive to keep SOTTS a safe place for us by keeping the list pleasant and enjoyable to read. We can do this by showing respect for other members of the list and by following the usual netiquette rules.

Since this list is not "moderated", in the sense that neither I nor anyone else screens or previews posts to the list, your posts go to the entire list unedited. However, posts may be reformatted as necessary to fit into the digest format. The digest is created and maintained by Topica; I am in no way involved with the creation of the digests.

Keep in mind that we want our spouses to feel comfortable about recommending us as a support group. Rightly or wrongly, many straight spouses are unwilling to encourage support forums for their spouse because the straights fear that all we are here for is to solicit each other. Whether it is true or not, we need to be thinking of this. So, please don't openly solicit new relationships - if they are going to happen, they'll happen. If you must actively look, there are plenty of other places to look. By your sensitivity and caring, you will find a new relationship here if it is to be found here.

As mentioned earlier, this list is for the gay/bi/lesbian (lesbigay) spouse in a mixed orientation marriage or leaving a mixed orientation marriage. Please feel that this is a safe haven for you to vent against your spouse if you need to; you’ll find me venting on occasion :-). If you gain information from the list you wish to share with your spouse, please do. I sometimes share issues, topics and insights from the list with my husband that I feel pertain to our situation. You may also, occasionally, share information with others in similar situations, however we prefer regular readers to subscribe to the list directly.

Sharing information from the list raises the issue of maintaining the privacy and confidentiality of list members. To help safeguard list privacy and confidentiality, emails from SOTTS need to go to a private email account and should only be used by you. If, for any reason, I am led to believe otherwise, your subscription will be suspended until the situation is cleared up. This is for your protection as well as for the protection of others on the list. However, since electronic mail is not itself secure, members should not assume their identities are completely secure from discovery.

When sharing information with your spouse, or another lesbigay spouse in a mixed orientation, please do not forward messages from the list. You need to cut and paste the message or the parts of the message you wish to share in a new outgoing email. When sharing the text of an email with someone else, it is imperative that you remove names, email addresses, and any other identifying information that may compromise the confidentiality and privacy of list members.

You may not post SOTTS to any USENET news group or BBS echo. This is a private e-mail digest, not a USENET news group. Do not post messages from SOTTS on web-sites, bulletin boards or any other Internet or public medium.

Whew, that's most of the guidelines . Please help us keep the list safe and welcoming by being considerate of each other and following the above guidelines.

Hazel, mgrsotts@yahoo.com